1. |
The Pacific Northwest
03:59
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What's it like to be free, I wonder?
I've been try'na be free, I wander
I've been trapped in these trees so long now
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
I've been try'na be free, I wander
I've been trapped in these trees so long now
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
I've got a family, they're back home in Tennessee
As I walk through these trees
I wonder, do they wonder bout me?
I left them behind, in a dark state of mind years ago
I thought I was lost but the owls
They sang me back to hope
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
I've been try'na be free, I wander
I've been trapped in these trees so long now
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
I search for home but it's unclear
I'll use the stars to guide me there
Oh, I've never been this scared
But hope's a fire that burns my fear
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
I've been try'na be free, I wander
I've been trapped in these trees so long now
What's it like to be free, I wonder?
There's no map for the halls of this fortress
Starved for light in the leaves of this forest
But there's a song that calls the chaos to order
So maybe I can be free, I wonder?
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2. |
Neon Horror Show
03:03
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Got a little bit of light
But I don't know what it's good for
Think I need to run and hide
Hear the monsters draw to war
Everybody is on fire
Will-o'-wisps searching for answers
Now we're knee-deep in the mire
And the truth has grown obscure
Come one and all
To this messed up neon horror show
Welcome home
Cause you've got nowhere else to go
If life's a dream, it's a nightmare
Stay a while cause we all know
That they like it dark out there
Heaven forbid they see you glow
So don't go outside
I'm losing hope and that's okay, I don't believe them anyway
They'd have me play a losing game
Just sell my soul and get their name
But I won't believe it
Come one and all
To this messed up neon horror show
Welcome home
Cause you've got nowhere else to go
If life's a dream, it's a nightmare
Stay a while cause we all know
That they like it dark out there
Heaven forbid they see you glow
So don't go outside
I've lost their trust but that's okay
I don't believe them anyway
My eyes are still alight
Write my beliefs in neon sign and watch
Them shrink into the fog
Where all is equal, all is dark
And shadows cling to tooth and claw
Fleeing from light of neon souls
Cause every glow's a weapon
Come one and all
To this messed up neon horror show
Welcome home
Cause you've got nowhere else to go
If life's a dream, it's a nightmare
Stay a while cause we all know
That they like it dark out there
Heaven forbid they see you glow
So don't go outside
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3. |
The Shadow People
03:43
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About this time of every year the shadow people come
They lay down their nets before they appear
Cause they know where we will run
They don't need their knives
They don't wield their spears
They just turn us on our own
With some hazy fog, and some well-placed mirrors
They obscure what's right from wrong
They have robbed us of ears to hear
Every mourner's on their own
The court seers warn the end is near
They find deaf ears on the throne
But I know there's coming one who sings
And he'll turn our hearts from stone
We denied the light right above our heads
And we sought it on the ground
When we lit the fires set in front of us
Their light cast our shadows long
All this earthbound light gives them room to hide
Maybe all our fire's in vain
But I see a star burning in the heights
It could set this dark ablaze
Hear the dissonance of the northern wind
As it blows through empty pews
Hear the shadow people usher in
The final twilight of the moon
But I know there's coming one who sings
And he'll cause the dawn to bloom
Maybe this isn't our fight
Maybe we'll lose to the night
But maybe we'd still better try
Cause even the shadows can't hide what is right
And even this darkness can't long hide the light
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4. |
Dopamine
03:14
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Looking for a song that can ease my mind and
Hoping for a way to lose track of time
And forget myself in beautiful pursuit
There's a bit of heaven come down to earth
Whenever I'm devoted to make things good
I just wish that I could live inside that truth
I could use a little dopamine
Cause I ain't' feeling like I used to
I've been staying up and losing sleep
Cause there's gotta be something on the other side
And I ain't gonna find it if I shut my eyes
Starlight, low fire
Long night, I'm tired
And ready to awake at break of morn
Tortured artist
I'd trade it, heartbeat
I'd rather my art
Spring from wells of joy
I could use a little dopamine
Cause I ain't' feeling like I used to
I've been staying up and losing sleep
Cause there's gotta be something on the other side
And I ain't gonna find it if I shut my eyes
Maybe there's a reason and I'm only meant to find it when I'm through
Let it be true
Maybe there's a reason and I'll finally be at peace when it's all through
Let it be soon
I could use a little dopamine
Cause I ain't feeling like I used to
I've been staying up and losing sleep
Cause I could feel better than I do right now
Yeah I could be better than I am right now
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5. |
Falling Backwards
02:52
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Lost in darkness so afraid
But a melody sounds far away
I can't picture hope or speak the name
Like Plato's shadows in the cave
But then you found me there and brought me up to sunlight
And I can't understand this weight of love
In my life
Look at me falling backwards, loosing balance
Tranced, in love when I see your eyes
Alive in sunlight, colored fire in amber depths of life
I pray that I never lose you, hold on to you
What I gift that I can't repay
When I was lost by grace of God you came and lit the way
Shorter nights and brighter days
Your heart's a lantern in this haze
I'll try to rightly sing your praise
In self-forgetful turns of phrase
And it's all up from here, from one love to another
Circumambulating round this sacred fire
Look at me falling backwards, loosing balance
Tranced, in love when I see your eyes
Alive in sunlight, colored fire in amber depths of life
I pray that I never lose you, hold on to you
What I gift that I can't repay
When I was lost by grace of God you came and lit the way
Look at me falling backwards, loosing balance
Tranced, in love when I see your eyes
Alive in sunlight, colored fire in amber depths of life
I pray that I never lose you, hold on to you
What I gift that I can't repay
When I was lost by grace of God you came and lit the way
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6. |
Know I Will
04:57
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I'm pacing the floor again
Trying to understand
If I feel this guilt because I'm bad
Or just cause I'm scared
The path ahead scares me
The alternative's deadly
So why does this call to freedom
Only leave me scared and running
From good reason?
Quick, call the ambulance, and get em here fast
Cause I'm about to do something I'm gonna regret
Oh, I know that I know I will
But I don't know I will
I'm starting to wake up
I have some good days, now
But I am still weighed down
By the things I regret
Write these words on my forehead
That I may never forget
That every shadowed night ends giving way
To holy daybreak, I can make it
Quick, call the ambulance, and get em here fast
Cause I'm about to do something I'm gonna regret
Oh, I know that I know I will
But I don't know I will
I've been hating myself; it leaves me asking if
I could be both so broken
And so made in an image
Oh, I know that I know I am
But I don't know I am
Quick, call the ambulance, and get em here fast
Cause I'm about to do something I'm gonna regret
Oh, I know that I know I will
But I don't know I will
I've been hearing of hope like a song on the breeze
Called in notes carried off from a faraway king
And I know that He knows I bleed
Cause He bleeds here with me
O Lord, what you say, well I do believe
So God, help my unbelief
Hold on, think twice before you shoot to kill
Cause there's some blood in these veins
And it's worth pumping still
Hold on, think twice before you write me off
Cause there's some life in these bones
It's undeniable
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7. |
Creaky Floorboards
02:20
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Let's just skip over everything that happened till now
Cause I need to get straight to the point
I'm bruised and I'm roadworn
Losing grip on my religion
But You're still the reason for me
You're God of the in-betweens
I think I'm thinking too much
Reading all the wrong books
Cause these doubts pile high in the night
Hear the floorboards wrestle beneath my
Wrestling heart, mind, and soul, how they fight
But maybe I'm meant for these drawn-out nights
Where I doubt everything I can stand
Cause these chinks in my armor are refracting Your light
And revealing the colors within
If I can't hold fast, well it's you that does the holding
It's not me that holds you, that's reversed
So, I'll trust that when doubts start assailing the walls
That they'll hold like they have from the first
So, I'll stare down Nietzsche and take every blow
After all, didn't you do the same?
And may my failures of mind
Be a chance for the light
Of your wisdom to glory your name
May these questions be worship
Like Jacob of old
As I wrestle with You through the night
If he who wrestles with God is the one God has chosen
Then these doubts leave no doubt in my mind
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8. |
Lost in the Forest
03:40
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Keep awake your tired eyes and
Don't believe the lullabies
That tell you that it's time to go
Cause life can only be survived
With one foot planted on the ground
And another in the realm of souls
Maybe it's a punishment
Or maybe it's the only way
A serpent in the wilderness
In darkest night I must obey
Try to steal the grail you seek
Through holy plants or hidden dreams
And find you've only found the cave
The torch you need to light the way
Is only lit through striking flint
Of self-denial every day
Maybe it's a punishment
Or maybe it's the only way
A serpent in the wilderness
In darkest night I must obey
The walls slowly present themselves
The hedges that delineate
The garden in this wild maze
The goal lies not beyond the trees
But in living life here properly
Balanced between growth and decay
And I'll sway with the branches and
Run along the rivers
Cause dreams are ever dangerous
And I'm a thrill seeker
I'll run into the shadows
Get lost in the forest
Cause woods are for the spirits
And I'm a clairvoyant
I'll leap into the thicket
Get bruised in the nettles
Cause when I start bleeding
I know he'll pick my head up
This forest is a labyrinth
My God drew all the maps and
I know I know nothing
But He'll teach me his paths
And I'll sway with the branches and
Run along the rivers
Cause dreams are ever dangerous
And I'm a thrill seeker
I'll run into the shadows
Get lost in the forest
Cause woods are for the spirits
And I'm a clairvoyant
I'll leap into the thicket
Get bruised in the nettles
Cause when I start bleeding
I know he'll pick my head up
This forest is a labyrinth
My God drew all the maps and
I know I know nothing
But He'll teach me his paths
Maybe it's a punishment
Or maybe it's the only way
A serpent in the wilderness
In darkest night I must obey
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9. |
Marduk
03:50
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Maybe there's a reason
That we've fallen to these depths
If I treat it like it's me then
Well, at least we stand a chance
I can feel my heart at war
Who I am; who I could be
The split of bad and good
Is the line that runs between
My God sings out a love song
To this heart so drawn to hell
He calls for reformation
So I'll speak the ancient spell
Give me a sword, I'll make war on myself
These eyes open wide
They see straight down to hell
That dragon is lurking
And it's in the heart of every man
The answer is waiting, it's just gotta be said
To live like your life's
Worth the death that's ahead
The spirit is willing
And it's in the heart of every man
The king and all his monsters
Are all beating down my home
But I'm much less scared of them than
All the demons in my soul
They've given me these eyes
So, I'll face what's to be seen
And they've blessed me with these ears
So, I'll hear the prophet's sing
The widows and the orphans
Are all fending for themselves
If we insist on making war then
Make it on these feats of hell
Give me a sword and I'll do it myself
These eyes open wide
They see straight down to hell
That dragon is lurking
And it's in the heart of every man
The answer is waiting, it's just gotta be said
To live like your life's
Worth the death that's ahead
The spirit is willing
And it's in the heart of every man
Soon every knee's gonna crash to the floor
We'll finally see
What we've been fighting for
The battle is ending
And the sword is held by He who was before
That fiery serpent's gonna try to bow out
I'll give up my sword
Bow my head to the ground
Cause I'm just a soldier
And here comes the one I've been fighting for
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10. |
Wonderful and Strange
03:17
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And I'm tired
So what's the point?
Then why this fire
That points me north?
And it's so strange
To comprehend
But maybe there's
A promised land
And I'm tired
So what's the point?
Then why this fire
That points me north?
And it's so strange
To comprehend
But maybe there's
A promised land
Through winter snow
And fresh spring rain
Like evergreens
I bear this pain
But there's a hope
Beyond this shame
It's on a tree
It's in a name
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11. |
Alchemy, Redeemed
04:31
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What then is this that flesh and soul
Once warring now seek peace?
What then is this that bloodied wolves
Find pasture with the sheep?
Maybe it's alchemy, redeemed
Or maybe it's better than we dreamed
Maybe the stone's not what we seek
Maybe this Christ is who we need
We searched the depths of the oldest tomes
And came away distressed
"In sterquiliniis invenitur"
We didn't know it yet
Maybe it's alchemy, redeemed
Or maybe it's better than we dreamed
Maybe the stone's not what we seek
Maybe this Christ is who we need
The mud brought sight to tired eyes
We reached the darkest grove
The steps were ours, the grace was Christ's
He called us back to home
Maybe it's alchemy, redeemed
Or maybe it's better than we dreamed
Maybe the stone's not what we seek
Maybe this Christ is who we need
Oh, I can feel it in my bones
Oh, he's right here in all these tomes
The one we're searching for
The Logos, known by name
I searched through maps and dusty tomes
You took my head and held me close
Now I know what I'd never known
By grace so undeserved
I was a lost boy on my own
You were the father that led me home
This freedom's all I want to know
By grace, so undeserved
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12. |
Hope
03:58
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Your heart brought art onto
This canvas that I call myself
Like twenty years of poetry
Condensed into a spell
You called forth color
From the shadows that enshroud my heart
And showed me how to wander
From the mind that's been my cell
So maybe I've got reason
But you've given me purpose
You sing the kinda meaning
I've been missing, leave me wordless
Stellar charts won't direct my heart
Replace the maps with the beaming stars
You woke me up
You light the way like a morning star
An echo back from Arcadia
You give me hope
You're my sign
How beautiful this life could be
With constellation eyes
You remind me that it's good to be
You painted all the windows
So that I could finally see
Like the stars, so far apart
But joined together to form Hercules
You call and I respond
And make an art of gravity
So I could try to reason
But I think I'd miss the purpose
This love uncovered meaning
I can feel it and it's perfect
Stellar charts won't direct my heart
Replace the maps with the beaming stars
You woke me up
You light the way like a morning star
An echo back from Arcadia
You give me hope
You're my sign
How beautiful this life could be
When I am at my weakest, oh you fill me with purpose
I wavered to let hope in, then you gave me an excuse
I got a lot of reasons that I've been hurting
But now I've got a reason to hope
When I am at my weakest, oh you fill me with purpose
I wavered to let hope in, then you gave me an excuse
I got a lot of reasons that I've been hurting
But now I've got a reason to hope
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Caleb Caldwell Nashville, Tennessee
If David Lynch wrote pop songs.
Nashville, TN.
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